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May 27, 2007
The New Guy
***MASON ENTRY***
It's taking some adjustment playing softball on Saturdays instead of Sundays here in Toronto. Back in Denver, the gay softball league played all of its games on Sunday which would pretty much blast out the day and thus the rest of the weekend. Here, the games are scheduled on either Saturday or Friday nights after work. It's nice, because it leaves Sunday to rest up and relax before the work week starts up all over again. We haven't played a Friday night game yet, but I'm sure that will be odd as well rushing home from work to change and play ball. If you're in town and ever want to come cheer us on, I play on the Alibi team and the schedule is on the website.
It's also taking some time to adjust to being "the new guy" on the team and in the league as well as being "an American." It's hard not feeling like an outsider when everyone on the team has known and played ball with each other for years. It's hard to describe those feelings you go through. The intense self-imposed pressure to play well, the prove yourself to make sure you don't do anything that will cause your teammates to be disappointed in you. I didn't play perfectly in our two games yesterday, but I didn't suck either. Compared to the whole team, I'd say I was at least one of the better players on the team (but I know I can do better.)
The beer-social time after the game is always a good time to get a feel of how you are doing "fitting in" to the team and yesterday it was a good time hanging out with the team. They seem to be accepting of their newest teammate, but I can still feel that apprehension. In the world of sports and teams, it really is about developing a trust and partnership with each member of the team. Even in a very casual, recreational sport like weekend gay softball, those underlying feelings run through a team. I think there's the added factor of me being from the US, or as my fellow Canadians like to say "so, you're an American??!" which adds a whole other factor.
Ashamed is too strong a word to use, but it's very wearing to have to deflect the quiet, silent contempt so many have for the US and it's bullying and arrogant history on others outside of its' borders. I'm not ashamed to be from the US, but I am ashamed at what the country has become and it's negative impact on the world. Yes, I feel it every day in nearly every situation as I find myself having to scrub off the negative coating that comes with "being an American."
Before all of you in the US get defensive and upset, please understand that for the most part, Canadians do separate a person from his/her country and judge them on their own merits, but as is inherent in all human nature, we are all initially judged with self-imposed ideas and impressions. Unfortunately, we live in a time now where the US is anything, but the land of opportunity or acceptance - the US is thought of as a bully and war-hungry country that disregards anyone or anything that is not of it's own doing. It's one thing to have to deal with this stigma while vacationing in a foreign land (knowing that you will be leaving in a short time,) but it is another thing know that day-in and day-out I will have to deal with this in my new home.
It's been a while since I had to work my way into other's daily lives or routines. The last few weeks it seems that it's all I've been doing....from my work at Toronto FC and the Comedy Network/CTV to my softball team. Eventually the outgoing, perky Mason will break through those barriers and win everyone over, but right now I have to admit it's taking me longer than I'm used too and can sure be mentally tiring.
This entry became much more than just an observation of my first softball games here in Toronto, but it seems my mind had more on it than just disappointment that we lost our games.
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Comments
Ugh... I'll admit it, I suffer from the fascination with Americans. It doesn't surprise me that that can be sensed.
But what caught my eye the most? I had no idea that there was a gay softball league! Wow! Cool!
Mind you, before I moved to Toronto, I didn't know there were Punjabi scout groups, Lesbian reading clubs or celebate-only outdoors clubs. I guess what I'm saying is I've led a sheltered life...
Posted by: Scott M. at May 29, 2007 06:06 PM
Awww, it'll get better. Think of how long you've been going through the process to get to T.O., this is a blip. Moving anywhere, there will always some small pockets of folks (in Denver, there are occasionally some of the natives who are wary of all of the en-masse newbies) who are the last to come around.
Your first major cultural shock will be this weekend anyhow, when the Rapids come to Toronto -- and you're on the "other" side. Then the Rockies invade during Pride Weekend.
P.S. Just got Broncos season tix -- does that make me an honorary native, lol?
Posted by: Ron K at June 1, 2007 10:10 AM
I have no problem agreeing with Canadians about how ugly America is. As long as a majority keeps voting dumbasses from both major parties we will deserve to be criticized as a country.
You will win them over Mason. It's guaranteed.
Posted by: Tom at June 1, 2007 07:43 PM
I'm glad to know that we are not the only ones. We love being here in Canada but it is work to fit in. I have had my moments of "what the hell did we do?" We left very good jobs, financial comfort and lots of friends to start all over again in a new country. We left our comfort zone in the States and we are trying to build that same level of comfort here. It is daily work to do so.
Posted by: Canada Calling at June 2, 2007 12:01 PM
As a Canadian, I guess it sticks in the craw a bit to admit this, but... when I was a boy, in the 70s, the US was still the light of the world. Around the time of the Bicentennial, the US was at the peak of its popularity, if not its power (for that, I would place you in time from Truman to Kennedy). It seemed to me as though, under Jimmy Carter, the US were Superman... immensely powerful, but restrained; willing to restrict its use of power and depend upon its sterling reputation. At that time, it was easy for a young Canadian to envy the United States and wish to join.
It could be again. But I personally feel that the US would have to return to its true calling. To be the light of the (new) world, fair, honest, even self-deprecating. Willing to heed others (especially our allies in Europe) and act on their sage advice. Cut military spending to something sensible; raise a few sensible tariffs and work hard to produce things again (when was the last time a North American built a television set?); offer shelter to the poor and hope to the downtrodden in the finest traditions of the country. Institute health care for all. Roll back the excesses against the Bill of Rights and reinvigorate the Congress and cut the presidency down to size again. Essentially, follow the advice of Mike Gravel, who ought to, but almost certainly won't, be the next President of the United States.
If he were, I'd vote to erase the border along the 49th Parallel happily. But until then, I'm grateful it's there... as, I suppose, are you, for the moment.
Posted by: Lone Primate at June 3, 2007 07:49 PM
