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May 27, 2007

The New Guy

***MASON ENTRY***

It's taking some adjustment playing softball on Saturdays instead of Sundays here in Toronto. Back in Denver, the gay softball league played all of its games on Sunday which would pretty much blast out the day and thus the rest of the weekend. Here, the games are scheduled on either Saturday or Friday nights after work. It's nice, because it leaves Sunday to rest up and relax before the work week starts up all over again. We haven't played a Friday night game yet, but I'm sure that will be odd as well rushing home from work to change and play ball. If you're in town and ever want to come cheer us on, I play on the Alibi team and the schedule is on the website.

It's also taking some time to adjust to being "the new guy" on the team and in the league as well as being "an American." It's hard not feeling like an outsider when everyone on the team has known and played ball with each other for years. It's hard to describe those feelings you go through. The intense self-imposed pressure to play well, the prove yourself to make sure you don't do anything that will cause your teammates to be disappointed in you. I didn't play perfectly in our two games yesterday, but I didn't suck either. Compared to the whole team, I'd say I was at least one of the better players on the team (but I know I can do better.)

The beer-social time after the game is always a good time to get a feel of how you are doing "fitting in" to the team and yesterday it was a good time hanging out with the team. They seem to be accepting of their newest teammate, but I can still feel that apprehension. In the world of sports and teams, it really is about developing a trust and partnership with each member of the team. Even in a very casual, recreational sport like weekend gay softball, those underlying feelings run through a team. I think there's the added factor of me being from the US, or as my fellow Canadians like to say "so, you're an American??!" which adds a whole other factor.

Ashamed is too strong a word to use, but it's very wearing to have to deflect the quiet, silent contempt so many have for the US and it's bullying and arrogant history on others outside of its' borders. I'm not ashamed to be from the US, but I am ashamed at what the country has become and it's negative impact on the world. Yes, I feel it every day in nearly every situation as I find myself having to scrub off the negative coating that comes with "being an American."

Before all of you in the US get defensive and upset, please understand that for the most part, Canadians do separate a person from his/her country and judge them on their own merits, but as is inherent in all human nature, we are all initially judged with self-imposed ideas and impressions. Unfortunately, we live in a time now where the US is anything, but the land of opportunity or acceptance - the US is thought of as a bully and war-hungry country that disregards anyone or anything that is not of it's own doing. It's one thing to have to deal with this stigma while vacationing in a foreign land (knowing that you will be leaving in a short time,) but it is another thing know that day-in and day-out I will have to deal with this in my new home.

It's been a while since I had to work my way into other's daily lives or routines. The last few weeks it seems that it's all I've been doing....from my work at Toronto FC and the Comedy Network/CTV to my softball team. Eventually the outgoing, perky Mason will break through those barriers and win everyone over, but right now I have to admit it's taking me longer than I'm used too and can sure be mentally tiring.

This entry became much more than just an observation of my first softball games here in Toronto, but it seems my mind had more on it than just disappointment that we lost our games.

May 25, 2007

70

I've had a decent week.  Mason and I spent the afternoon yesterday with our good friends Geoff, Bob, Matt, John and Alberto after work at O'Grady's drinking 20 Litres of Beer and having various munchies.  It was a hot one yesterday and the beer was much needed after suffering through a boring and trite training at Ryerson University.  Today was better, the last day of training was much better and informative. So my day was flying high and I was looking forward to coming home and doing some yardwork along with just relaxing in general.  I decided to check my voicemail at home when I picked up a message from my father.

Truth be told my parents and I have not spoken since my Papou's death, and when we moved to Canada I wrote them a letter letting them know at least where I would be.  There have been occasional phone calls on their part, but I don't answer them as I really have no desire to speak to them, mostly because of my mother, because of the fact she is an evil c*nt.

However, this message was from my father, I've always said that if my mother was not around my father and I would have had a cool relationship.  He gets me, and respects me, and tries not to control me, but as we all know from My Big Fat Greek Wedding:

May 23, 2007

Discrimination Still Exists

Checking out the News in the United States today I found out that the FDA is continuing it's ban on gay men donating blood, something that has been in place since 1983 when AIDS and HIV came on the scene.  Times have changed and testing has changed and most blood banks can now test for HIV 10 days after infection which really makes the case that the ban should be lifted as statistically gay men tend to donate blood more often. 

The last time I donated blood was in 1991, when I tried to do it in 1992 after my first gay experience I was turned away and told in no uncertain terms to not bother coming back.  There have been times I've even tried to offer my bone marrow for testing given that my family comes from Western Asia/Southern Europe which is an underrepresented area, but they still turned me down.

Now before you think I'm going to get all Canadian on your ass and speak about how different it is up here, guess again, Health Canada recently reaffirmed it's ban on gay men donating blood, even openly gay Ontario Health Minister George Smitherman, has tried to convince Health Canada and even offered to donate his own blood, but they wouldn't budge.

Some things just don't change I guess.

Canadian Hope

Mason and I were able to finally meet Tom and Emilio from Canadian Hope and Esperanza en Canadá last night. We met in Greektown for some scrumptious food and talked about all things Canadian and the new challenges and experiences they'll face over the next six months. They are great guys and I have no doubt will enjoy and be successful with the experience.

It was a little odd for Mason and I to be sitting there and sharing our experiences over the last 8 months. Now, Canada and Toronto almost feels like second nature to us, but I can still reach back and feel the fear and nervousness of those first few weeks in a foreign land.

Having seen the strides our little group has made online makes me proud and happy. Congrats to Two Moms and Would Be Canadians (and soon the Moving to Vancouver Boys); for all of us it really is about Canadian Hope. :-)

May 22, 2007

Making My Way Back

My apologies first off to any of you out there who are still even reading this blog, I went on a semi-imposed exile for no good reason. Mason has been great about posting, but not as often as we both would like. I think the spam has annoyed me the most, the filtering system on this program is horrible and LWB gets bombarded with spam like crazy. It was easier not to post so my mailbox wouldn't fill up, but it does anyway. To that end, I'm following L-girl's led over at WMTC and creating a new site with better spam filters; stay tuned I hope to have it up and running soon :-)

So again my apologies, going to try and get back in the groove with regular postings...if anyone is still around.

May 21, 2007

Happy Victoria Day!

Happy Victoria Day!  Most Canadians call it The May 2-4 Long Weekend, or once Commonwealth Day, but it's the Canadian version of President's Day if it was held in the Early Summer instead of frigid February.  It celebrates the Monarchy and it's history in Canada, but most of all it celebrates friends, family and beer!  I was able to experience both this weekend :-)

Had a wonderful time in Brantford, but most of all my times with my friends - Jason, Doug, Lee and Rich plus Doug's Mom!  We had some amazing food, enjoyed Doug's pool and drank copious amounts of liquor!"  Add on top of that palying video games, hanging out in a tent and going on a Brantford Roadtrip visiting the oldest church in North America erected by Queen Anne and visiting the place where the telephone was created - Alexander Bell's home.

It's been a nice break and a nice start to spring, later this week temps head up to the high 20'sC (80'sF) .  It's also been strange orienting myself to Canadian culture and holidays.  Memorial Day will not be around next weekend and then Canada Day on July 1.  I'm really digging on the groove here, this is the Canada I remember and fell in love with...

May 13, 2007

2835

***MASON ENTRY***

I had one of those deep, stomach churning home sick moments today - and it literally was "home" sick. It was a beautiful day today here in Toronto. The sun shining, the temperature a cool, but very Spring-like feel. It was the perfect setting to begin working on the yard and gardens and all things outside our home. After a quick bite to eat in a packed and child-screaming filled diner nearby (thanks to Mom's Day) Nick and I headed out to Scare-burrow (the suburb Northeast of Toronto - for those in Denver, picture Aurora or Commerce City.)

As we're wondering around the Rona Home & Garden Center it hit me like a pile of bricks falling from the top, overstacked shelves in the garden center. We were buying planter boxes and grass seed for a home that isn't ours and I ached and feel so sad about missing our home in Denver. 2835 W. 24th was Nick and my very first home. The emotional connection we have with that house really didn't sink in until today when I realized that for seven years, our trips to Home Depot and garden centres were like buying new clothes for our child. The flowers and trees and lawn for the house could only be compared to buying new clothes for a child for their first day of school. Today, we were buying gifts for someone else's child - gratifying, but not even close to satisfying.

I really do enjoy our home here in Toronto - she's been a wonderful shelter for us and will be for a bit longer, but she just can't compare to our dear ol' Victorian lady in Denver. You may be 2500 Km away, but you'll forever be no farther away from me than my heart and memory.