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July 30, 2006
We Danced All Night...
Mason and I had the pleasure of going to our niece’s (and new nephew-in-law's) wedding last night. It was a beautiful event held at Hudson Gardens (which I had never been to) on a perfect summer day with friends and family surrounding them. I certainly felt my age as the bride and groom are only 24, and I remember meeting Erin when I first started dating Mason 10 years ago...and she was just starting High School. Ugh.
The night was great though because we not only got to celebrate Tyler and Erin's nuptials, but we also got to connect with family members and their in-laws which we only seem to do on special occasions. Everybody knew about Canada, and were asking about the letter: "Did you get it yet?", "Are you excited about the letter?", "How soon after you get it are you moving?" There were the obligatory questions of "Why Canada?", "Do you have jobs? A place to live?" It was fun getting excited about the move, but it was also sad to remember that soon, very soon, we would be leaving our family and friends heading for a new home. Especially Tyler and Erin who came over to us and suddenly seeming very grown up to me, told us that they would miss us and would be sad that we couldn't just hang out sometime.
...and while the wedding was beautiful, the bridesmaids and bride beautifully dressed, the flowers fragrant, the cake sweet and moist, the dinner tasty, it was the dancing that made me cry.
First, seeing Erin and her Dad up there, and then Tyler and his Mom. It was truly touching. Soon everyone was dancing and Mason and I stood on the sidelines watching. Occasionally we would jump in for the twist, or some other loud song, but the moment the slow songs came on we went back to our respective corners. I don't know what it was that prompted me to ask the Mother of the Bride (Mason's sister) and eventually Tyler himself if they would mind if Mason and I danced. Their responses were incredibly supportive, and Tyler especially was adamant that we dance at his wedding. It's just something Mason and I never get to do, especially at a wedding with some pretty conservative people in the audience.
So we slipped out onto the dance floor, hand in hand and danced. The newlyweds were just next to us and smiled, Mason's sister on the other side smiling...and we danced. Not since our wedding had we danced like this and we both admitted that we really missed it. For a moment, a brief moment I felt like part of society, accepted fully for who I was. The photographer took our picture, and some of the guests whispered and pointed, but it didn't matter. We danced all night...
Posted by Nikolas at 09:25 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBackJuly 24, 2006
I Can't Sleep...
I can't sleep tonight.
Mason, fell asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow, while I just sat in bed watching re-runs of Sex In The City on WB2. Now it's past midnight and I have all of these thoughts running through my head. Running so fast that I feel as though they are going to slide out of my ear if I turn too suddenly. The problem is they are running around and keeping me awake.
I'm apprehensive about my current situation. As we enter the last week of July, Mason and I still have no letter from the Canadian Consulate in Seattle. Our house sale is set to close in late August, and we both have the anticipation of moving by September 25th. For those of you that have gone through the process please save me the "well CIC says not to sell your home or give up your job till you receive final confirmation from them" bullshit. The reality is that bureaucrats, weather in Ottawa or Seattle, are not going to have a clue how this affects people personally. We are just a file number waiting to be called and shuffled. Whichever way it goes, I just need to know so that we can both move on with our lives. For the past two years, our lives have been on hold for this and all I'm asking for is for the Universe to kick it in the ass for a bit so I can move on. Wherever that may be.
Going to Rebecca's BBQ Housewarming this weekend seemed to have a deeper affect on me then I realized. I've been to her house before, and seen her son earlier in the year - so I wasn't that shocked by it all. I think it was more the concept of how old we have all gotten. Rebecca has a three (and a half) year old son, and lives in a beautiful house outside of Denver. Her (and my) Mom, seems older to me and I worry about her like I would my own mother. I hear about her (and my) sisters, the youngest of which is going to be a sophomore in College, and I can think back and remember when I frst met her when she was three (and a half.) Then I look at Mason and I's Nephew and his Wife who have a six-month old little boy and I realize that I am slowly being pushed into an arena in my life that I have hardly had time to adjust too - adulthood.
I still think about the possibility of having kids and even thought about maybe when I get up to Canada and we get settled we will do something. However, the more time goes on the more I realize it's not going to happen. The most I can ever hope for is that Shannon will want to borrow some sperm in order for her and Mel to have a third child. It saddens me in a way because one of the things I always wanted to do in life was be a father. In a way, at work, I am a father to fatherless adolescents, but that's my job, my clinical role as a therapist and a case-manager. I like to think that I would be a pretty good father in real life, but the more I look into the future the less and less I see it happening. In a way I feel like I need to mourn this aspect of myself and my life, but how do you mourn something you never had.
I've also decided to give up on trying to take the LCSW exam before I leave Colorado. Our weekends are so uber-packed between now and when we leave (if we leave) that it's just not feasible. I should have stayed more on top of it then pissing away that last two years of intermittent supervision with Jeff. it seems like a waste now.
Which all leads back to loss and gains in life, and makes me think of Canada again. The friends that we are going to lose when we leave Colorado, and not in the sense of losing touch, or contact, but losing the day-to-day interactions with them...which is hard anyway when you live in an environment that you can't stand, in a city you have grown tired of and count the days when your life will begin again. Then you look forward to the happiness that will come with new adventures and friendships and exploration of a city and country that you hardly know.
Now, I'm just rambling, but it feels good to let the words tumble out of my head, through my fingers and onto the screen in front of me instead of letting them run around my head.
Now I'm sleepy. Thanks for listening.
Posted by Nikolas at 12:30 AM | Comments (6) | TrackBackJuly 23, 2006
Slowly Saying Goodbye - Part II
We got to do two things this past weekend that seemed to hammer home that the time is coming near for us to say goodbye and move on to Canada. The first was e-a-r-l-y Saturday morning. The Denver Museum of Nature & Science decided to stay open 36 hours straight this weekend to allow the rest of Denver to go see the Body Worlds 2 exhibit before it packs up on Sunday and moves on to Boston. We had tickets for the 2:30 AM showing, that's right, AM.
It was a really exceptional exhibit and I am still in awe of the science and the art of it. I'm lad we made the effort to go and do this before we leave.
However, looking at the list I made up, I've got to get a move on before we leave if I want to finish it before we move.
A) means I had never done them and B) means I will miss it terribly when I go. So here it is:A) Attend the National Western Stock Show DONE
A) Go on a tour of the Celestial Seasonings Plant in Boulder
A) Go on a tour of the Coors Brewery in Golden
A) Go on a tour of the Denver Mint B) Spend a day in the Colorado Rockies DONE
A) Have dinner at The Fort
A) Visit the Royal Gorge
B) Spend a day in Boulder
A) Visit the Cow Palace in LamarB) Attend the Capitol Hill People's Fair DONE
A) Visit the Colorado History MuseumA) See the Body Worlds 2 Exhibit at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science DONEB) Eat at Beau Jo's one last time DONE
B) Go to Six Flags Elitch Gardens for a day
B) Stay for a night in The Brown Palace
B) See Rocky Mountain National Park one last timeB) Catch a Colorado Avalanche Game MISSED (Season's Over)
A) Take a class at Colorado Free University
B) Finish my Tattoo at Bound By Design
A) Drive up Pike's Peak
B) Go gambling at Central City/Blackhawk
The second thing was going to a BBQ Party at Rebecca's yesterday. It was really nice to see some old friends and have a chance to catch up with my "family." It hit me hard that there won't be that many opprotunities to see them again.
Sigh.
Posted by Nikolas at 12:48 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBackJuly 19, 2006
Oh, George...
It was bad enough that he went to the G8, smacking his lips on a roll, chewing with his mouth open, calling out like a frat boy to the Prime Minister of a foreign country "Yo, Blair!" and talking like a sniveling idiot with an IQ of 72 (and that's generous!)
Now, a Russian television crew has released a video in which Georgie is shown sneaking up to German Chancellor Angela Merkel and surprising her with a neck massage...as you can see below she was none-to-thrilled.
Video framegrab of President George W. Bush giving impromptu neck massage to German Chancellor Angela Merkel at the G8 Summit in St. Petersburg, Russia. ZDF, German Television
Read the full story here...If I did this at work, my co-worker could sue me for sexual harassment. It's like having that creepy cousin you only see at Christmas (the one that give you the freaked out feeling) being President.
I have said it before, but I will say it again.
Worst.
President.
Ever.
July 17, 2006
Waiting...
No letter yet...but I'm doing fine with it, thanks for asking :-)
*Mason and I have come to a deal with our neighbor and he is going to buy the house for a fair price. We close with him on August 22nd, so that means we hopefully move to Canada, or we have to find a place to live. He has graciously allowed us to rent our home back to him until we move, but it still feels odd to know that you're going to be homeless without a place to live, much less a job, much less an immigration letter.
*I think we have come to terms with the idea that we have changed our move date to the week of September 25th - with the anticipation that we arrive in Toronto on or near October 1st. It's much more reasonable and will give us a chance to have more time to pack and plan things out.
*We will probably make our way out to Toronto in late August to try and find a place to live, and secure a storage space. Ugh, the idea of packing the house has suddenly become very unappealing to me. However, the idea of moving to Canada perks me right back up.
*We had some family time with Mason's family this weekend. It was really good to see them and sad at the same time because I am really going to miss them when we leave. Having been abandoned by my own family, they took me in an loved me like one of their own. Sigh...
That's all folks :-)
Posted by Nikolas at 06:41 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBackJuly 12, 2006
The end of the road is near...
Mason and I hit a wall emotionally again last night with the Canadian immigration issue. We had a brief discussion about the fact that our move date is seriously going to need to be pushed out to September 25th now. Having not heard anything from CIC, we decided that even if we do hear something soon, trying to organize a cross-country (international) move within 45 days is kinda psychotic. It makes more sense this way and will allow us a chance to go out to Toronto in late August to find a house to rent, before moving. In any case, at least it puts things in perspective for us.
However, that wasn’t enough for me - I needed more. I needed CIC to be up front and honest with me and tell me what the fuck was going on. Bureaucracy or not these people must understand that they hold people’s futures in their hands. I did some research and found the phone number for the MSB Office in Ottawa…the ones who had asked for more information regarding my medical exam. The Immigration Doctor that examined me said that they received the needed paperwork on June 5th…surely they’ve dealt with it by now?
I called the number once and I got voicemail - a very pleasant woman’s voice with a standard message that started with Bonjour and ended with Merci. I hung up, went on a home visit and convinced myself to call back when I got home this afternoon, planning what kind of message I was going to leave in my head.
Imagine my surprise when I redialed the number when I got home and the voice simply stopped at “Bonjour…” I stumbled over my words and spilled my guts out to this pleasant sounding woman. She informed me that they were backlogged, and assured me that they would get to my file as soon as possible. Maybe it was the dejection in my voice, maybe it was because I was her last call of the day, maybe it’s simply that nice and polite Canadian demeanor we all know so well, but she asked for my file number.
I quickly spit it out and waited for her response:
Her: “Well, it looks like all the paperwork has been received and a final decision was made.”
Me: “You mean they made...they finalized the paperwork?”
Her: “Yes, the paperwork has been sent on to the consulate.”
Me: “To Seattle?”
Her: “Yes.”
I wanted to literally reach out and hug this woman and plant kisses all over her. Those brief words reenergized my soul and made my spirit soar. I thanked her profusely and wished her a good day. After I hung up the phone I realized that I didn’t know which way the decision went, but it doesn’t matter. Soon, very soon we will get a letter from Canada.
The end of the road is near...
Posted by Nikolas at 04:51 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
