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May 14, 2006
Mother's Day
Mother's Day has lost it's significance to me over the last few years as my mother and I have become more and more estranged. Since the trip to go see Papou in 2004, I have not spoken to her - it's been two years. My mother is vile, vindictive, hateful and selfish, but not to say she doesn't have her good qualities. I was raised by her and at times she could be nurturing and loving but it always had a stinger on the end of it, a unspoken deal that required massive amounts of guilt and some pain on my part. As painful and uncomfortable as it was I miss that aspect of my mother. I miss her singing in the kitchen on Sundays to the Greek radio station, I miss the smell of her perfume and the way she would call me in for dinner when I was out playing. I miss all the things that qualified her as a mother, but she never truly earned the title. As an adult and a social worker I can look back objectively now and realize that she had a mental illness - probably Bipolar disorder, depression and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - and she was unmedicated.
I would go into detail about the straw that broke my back...the story of my coming out, but it is too painful and too long to get into here, maybe another day. Those of you who are really close to me have heard the story as it's much better told then written. However, on this Mother's Day I leave you with a journal entry I made over 11 years ago, when I was just starting to deal with the pain and suffering that my mother caused me. My friend Christee Banks, who passed away three years ago, helped me see beyond my mother.
January 27, 1995: You Are Not My Fault...Notes to My Mother
I empathize with you Mom; it's been a long rough road. You suffered and cried and sacrificed all throughout my existence to ease your sense of guilt and attend to your duty. But, you are not my fault...you are the monster YOU created. You are the product of your limited experiences and lack of foresight. You are unhappy and unfulfilled and I, the diversion from your turmoil, am gone. I have left your circle of negativity and am finding the person I am supposed to be. Please consider this my Declaration of Independence; I am cutting the emotional noose from around my soul. I am not your little boy any longer...I am a man, my own person and nothing can stand in my way. I will be wonderful and intelligent, sincere and compassionate. I will love and be loved, work hard and play and be successful within myself. I will make new friends and build my own universe piece by piece, experience by experience, person by person...by invitation only. You, Mom, may visit here only if you promise to look but not touch. You are not to criticize, condemn or judge. You or anyone else. I will take ownership for all that is mine and I will stand in judgment of my life decisions and choices. Butt Out!
Posted by Nikolas at 10:43 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBackMay 12, 2006
Ottawa, Please.
So I'm exhausted today - we had graduation at the office today for all of our foster kids. It's an incredibly moving ceremony and is lots of fun...but by the end of the day I feel like a lump of Jell-o. So I slunk home a few minutes ago, exhausted, stripped off the corporate drag and checked the mail when I noticed a large envelope with a maple leaf on it.
*shudder*
Everyday for the past three weeks I've been coming home to the mailbox hoping that our final letter of approval was in there. I sat there amazed at the letter, smiling with joy until I noticed the return address location. Ottawa. This did not bode well as the office handling the our paperwork is in Seattle and the only reason Ottawa would send us something is if it was because of the medical results, and it was addressed to me.
I opened the letter and sure enough, it wasn't the final approval letter and request for our passports. Inside the large envelope was a letter with a sealed business envelope attached. The enclosed letter instructed me to bring the sealed envelope to the doctor who did my medical evaluation for immigration, who would then open said envelope and instruct me further. I wasn't authorized to open the envelope myself - it had to be brought to the doctor sealed, and wouldn't you know it they're closed till Monday. Ugh.
No doubt this has something to do with the abnormal results that showed up in my urine during the last exam, or some other nit picky thing that the doctors in Ottawa have decided to obsess over. I swear to the gods I never felt like a leper until I started this whole process. For the first time in this process I've actually felt anger towards the Canadian system. I resent the fact that Canada is treating me like a disabled zombie who's trying to get in to squelch off the Medicare system. So now I wait and obsess till Monday and see if by the grace of the gods I can get in that day.
Arg!
Posted by Nikolas at 09:03 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBackMay 11, 2006
Waiting and Packing
So, we've been waiting three weeks now and still have not heard anything from Seattle. Believe me, I don't expect to hear anything until at the earliest the end of this month, but it puts us in a bind none-the-less. Do we prepare for an August move anticipating that the approval letter will come (even though CIC states very clearly in the letter to not sell your house, quit your job or basically change the way you live) or do we just sit on our hands and wait?
Mason and I have started the packing process, as Mason said earlier this week "one way or another we are leaving this house!" I think he's a little anxious to get out of the neighborhood :-) We cleaned out an enormous amount of crap from the basement (an entire dumpster worth!) and divided it into two piles: trash and garage sale. We've started consolidating boxes and packing belongings down there. Quite honestly the basement was going to be our biggest challenge; everything in the house can be packed rather quickly.
So Mason has been given the responsibility to sell the house here in Denver and I'm in charge of finding a new place to live in Toronto. I think he got the better end of the deal as our neighbor has bought up three of the houses on our block, and ours is next. He already seems to agree on our asking price and is willing to close with us right before our move so we don't have live in apartment for a month. I on the other hand have not been so lucky...
Unlike L-Girl and Redsock, and others on LWB's bloglist, Canada (and Toronto specifically) is not close enough for us to go for the weekend every so often to look at places. So I've resorted to www.viewit.ca and www.mls.ca and let me tell you it's been an adventure. Trying to find a house for rent with a yard that takes dogs is a feat in itself. There have been a few times in the past couple of weeks that I got the blues and thought that this was going to be impossible. Some good friends in Toronto have volunteered to help us and be intermediaries, going to open houses and even talking to landlords for us, but I feel guilty for making them do that. The reality is that I think we are going to have to rent a house starting in July just to be able to secure it and make sure it's there when we move in August...before the University students come back to Toronto en masse. Ugh...
Then of course I'm reminded that we haven't been "officially" approved yet by CIC. Ugh...
*Chants Mantra* I won't lose my mind, I won't lose my mind, I won't lose my mind :-)
In other news, the e-mail seemed to go out with no problems. The responses we have received back border on surprised and supportive – no negative ones, but we have noticed a lot of people haven’t responded at all. We’re not sure if their still processing the information, or maybe that they really don’t care what we do. In either case Mason and I have set the date of August 28th as a prospective move date – that gives us enough time to get to Toronto with the dogs, a moving van, the car, set up shop and still have enough time to fire up the grill on Labour Day. Woo Hoo!
Now let’s hope we have a place to live in :-)
May 04, 2006
Important Email from Nicholas & Mason
We held off as long as we could, but word has started to leak out to friends and family about our impending move, so Mason and I crafted a letter many moons ago for just the right day, and today seems to be it. Many of you might be reading this for the first time, or many of you might be visiting the blog for the first time through our e-mail. Either way, welcome to the adventure:
Dear Friends and Family,
We have written this email about a hundred times, both in our heads and here on the computer screen, and every time it just never seems to be easy or the right way to compose our thoughts. Please believe us that we would prefer to be doing this in person, on the phone or at the very least in a one-on-one email, but as you can imagine once you read this, it just seems easier to get it all out now and as quickly as possible. Before you start worrying, everything is great with us – our health is excellent (well, except for way too many pounds on both our bodies,) our home and work lives are plugging along very well, the dogs and cats are happy and just the sweetest things in our lives. This email boils down just to one small, okay, maybe not that small, but short revelation.
We’re officially moving to Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
A move to another city has been almost certain for quite a while now, however, after living a lifetime here - Mason has honestly wanted to experience life in a new city and area and Nick has felt the same that it’s time to start a new chapter in our lives. For the past few years, many of you have known that we have been debating about moving to Canada. Some of you that came to our commitment ceremony may remember our warning that we would move up North if you-know-who got re-elected. Others may have thought that we were joking after the 2004 elections or that we would never really follow through with it, but the reality is that this change in our lives is going to come sooner rather then later and for more reasons then just politics. We have fallen in love with a city that embraces, and is filled with diversity, exciting new experiences and surroundings and it’s a great place for both of us to locate jobs and affordable housing quickly and easily. Rogers Communications is the Canadian equivalent of Comcast and there are plenty of other media-outlets where Mason’s talents will be embraced and the social service and healthcare fields in Toronto are abundant for Nick and his career.
We’re not renouncing our US citizenship – we’re not becoming Canadian citizens (yet) and quite frankly moving to Toronto will be no more disruptive to you as it would be if we moved to Chicago, Boston, San Francisco or any other US city. We are getting permanent resident cards (think US Green Cards) that will allow us to live and work in Canada for as long as we wish. Toronto is the largest city in Canada with over 2.5 million residents in the city alone and over five-and-a-half million in the metro area - It’s been described to us as “New York City without the crime” and “London with much better teeth!”, but it really is its own beautiful metropolis and has a unique character we’ve never experienced before. This was not an easy decision and it certainly wasn’t the quickest process, but we’re at that point now that we will most likely be moving by the end of Summer – probably by September 1st. To give you an idea of the process, here is the timeline of what we’ve been dealing with in this immigration to Canada:
February 14, 2005 - We sent in the mountain of paperwork for immigration after having worked on it for well over four months to gather all the information we needed. We needed to provide each of our work histories and every home address since we were 18 years old. We needed criminal and fingerprint clearances and background checks from every state we’ve lived in and the FBI and a slew of other information and paperwork such as college transcripts, diplomas, letters from employers, language competencies and much, much more. This process alone proved to us early-on that immigrating to Canada would not be a light decision on either of our parts. Because Canada recognizes same-sex couples, we were able to apply as a “married couple” even though our relationship is not recognized by the US. From everything we had read up to this point, we knew it would be an 18-24 month process.
March 21, 2005 – (Roughly five weeks later) - We received our AOR (Acknowledgement Of Receipt) or confirmation by the Canadian Consulate in Buffalo NY that we were “in process” and to just patiently wait.
February 9, 2006 – (Roughly 12 months after sending in the application) - We received a letter from the Canadian Consulate in Buffalo informing us that our file had been transferred to Seattle, WA in order to “expedite the processing of our application.”
March 6, 2006 – (About 13 months after sending in the application) - We received a letter from the Canadian Consulate in Seattle letting us know that we were close to finalizing our application and that we needed to complete a medical exam, resubmit some original paperwork, get immigration photos taken, and resubmit our FBI Background checks since the old ones were over a year old. In addition, we needed to send in the remaining Permanent Residence Fee which came up to about US$1640.
March 13, 2006 – We had our complete medical examinations done by a Canadian-certified doctor here in Denver. This is an important date because the clock begins ticking from this point. Once approved, we have ONE-YEAR from this date to officially move into Canada. While the approval process will most likely take another three-to-six months, we must be moved into Canada by March 13, 2007.
April 7, 2006/April 20, 2006 – We received the fingerprints from the FBI for Nick and Mason respectively. This was the last step as we had gathered everything else needed and were patiently waiting. We mailed this packet to Seattle on April 20, 2006. The next letter we receive from Immigration Canada will be our approval letter and a request for us to send our passports in for them to attach the proper landing documents needed to enter the country.
Now while March of 2007 is just under a year away, we are expecting to get our final approval by May or June and we’re saying that we are expecting to move by the first of August (or September at the latest) because 1) we don’t want to move in the Winter, 2) finding rental housing that isn’t all taken up by students needs to happen before Fall semesters and 3) we don’t want to be rushed after the first of the year, holidays, etc. to be in Canada by March.
So – that brings us to today and this email…
One of the hardest issues has been preparing our family and friends for the move. Whenever we mention it in conversation, many have taken it as a joke and laughed it off, but the seriousness of the matter is that within the next 3 months we will most likely be off to begin the new chapter in our lives. There is so much that needs to be done by August 1st – which will require a great deal of commitment from us over the next few months to sell our home, pack our belongings and give notice to our jobs. Some of you may not want to hear this, and some of our friends have even gotten vehemently angry at us for our decision and chosen to end their friendships with us. Either way we think it is only fair to be open and honest and that is why we have created a blog to chronicle our journey...
This is a way for you to keep tabs on our new lives in Toronto, and until then follow us along in the process of finalizing our immigration paperwork and the eventual move. Visit if you like, comment if you wish – it’s a great way to keep tabs on everything that is going on in this process and experience some of what we’re going through.
For some of you, this email is the first you’ve heard from us in months – maybe even years and for that we’re extremely disappointed in ourselves. We’re sorry that we’ve lost contact with so many of you over the years and quite frankly it’s very sad. One of our hopes and dreams with this pending move is that as we begin a new life in a calmer and less-hectic area, that we can do a better chance of strengthening and nurturing our friendships. We have already developed some wonderful friendships with those living in Toronto and while we will be further from those of you here in Colorado or other parts of the country, it’s not like Canada doesn’t have high-speed Internet access, email, snail mail or telephones. Hell, quite frankly as much as we’ve had contact with people here we might actually have more after we move!
We will keep everyone up to speed on the specifics as we get closer. We are hoping to have a final party at the house this summer to say goodbye to most of our local friends and family before we move. We are hoping many of you will join us for drinks, dinners or just hanging out in the months ahead. We are honestly looking so forward to this decision and the opportunities it’s going to bring us. We hope that many of you may decide to visit us in Toronto because it’s a beautiful city with so much to offer and we’d love to be able to share it with you in the future.
With much love and respect,
Mason & Nicholas
masonick@masonick.com (please note our new e-mail address)
www.masonick.com
A Sea of White
There is no easy answer to the immigration debate, but there does seem to be a lot of anger, advocacy, resentment, and hope. I wore a white shirt on Monday to work to show I supported the idea of the cause if not the issue itself. We had about 25% fewer employees in the office today – what can I say, social workers work for social justice – they work to help those who don’t have a voice, they stand up for those who need the most help. If I had the leave time banked up I would have joined them.
We drove downtown that day to grab a bite for lunch with some co-workers and we found ourselves in the middle of the rally. 75,000 men, women and children all dressed in white in front of the West steps of the Capitol. Chanting, protesting, and making their voice heard. It was great to see and we were amazed by the fact that people had found a voice and were expressing it, and then I come home today and watch the pundits and politicians on television jabbering about the cancer that is illegal immigration on this nation. The hypocrisy overwhelms me at times – I feel ashamed that these are the people who are speaking for me…yet I learned more in my history class in college then they seem to have in their entire professional career.
Americans seem to have this idea of manifest destiny still – the idea that [a Christian] God enchanted Americans with some great purpose to populate this continent and make it the greatest country on earth – forgetting that the Native-Americans/First Nations/etc. were here thousands of years before the white man showed up. They also seem to forget that most of the American Southwest is land that was captured from the Mexicans in the Mexican-American War.
The Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was hardly fair, and most textbooks will tell you that it was signed with a barrel of a gun pointed at the Mexican temple. Indeed overnight millions of Mexicans found themselves in a new nation with new laws and property rights. Hundreds of years of Spanish rules and tradition were thrown out and entire families evicted from their homes and farms. Suddenly cities like San Francisco, Santa Fe, Los Angeles, Alamosa, Las Cruces, Durango, San Diego, and many more were instantly American. Generations of Native-American and Spanish/Mexican relationships gave birth to the Chicano who calls the Southwest their home. In the 1800’s the Mexicans revered their North like we do our West – and saw it as a chance for an opportunity for a better life – what did it matter if their was a line in the sand.
America has always had an undying thirst for cheap labor – and it’s as if our destiny is tied to our thirst for it in the Sonaran Desert. Years and years of data going back to the Mexican-American War have shown that when the economy is good, and peace reigns we turn a blind eye to the undocumented worker, but when times are tough ($3.25 for a gallon of gas) and we are at war (Afghanistan/Iraq/Iran) or our economy is shaky (outsourcing, plants laying off workers, etc.) the undocumented immigrant becomes the scapegoat and we as a nation feel like we must expunge the parasite before it eats us whole.
The reality is that we have a thirst for cheap labor. Watch how quickly this whole immigration tune would change when soccer Mom’s going to Wal-Mart in their SUV’s and spandex shriek about the fact that lettuce is 10x more expensive and their car wash costs 5x as much. Undocumented workers do the work that Americans don’t want. Don’t give me this bullshit of they take away jobs from hard-working Americans. Do you know of an American who would pick tomatoes for $1 an hour? Do you know of an American who would wash cars all day for $3 an hour? No, we are a nation of spoiled brats who are addicted to our consumer spending and cheap goods. The jobs the middle class is losing are being shipped to India and China because Conservatives who believe in the open market thinks its only fair that a job go to the lowest bidder – that’s capitalism folks!
Things would be better if Mexico had an economy like Canada’s – then their wouldn’t be a reason for most people to leave. It would be great if Mexico and other Latin American countries treated their people better, and had laws respecting their rights to clean air, water and a decent wage, but the point is that we have always been the beacon in the gloomy night – a nation founded on immigrants, and now we want to snuff it out and pretend like it’s all their fault. You can build a fence, but people with dig under it or crawl over it. You can hire more border patrols, but people will still risk it, and even border cops are bribable.
You want to fix the problem? Declare an Amnesty – let all 12 Million undocumented workers apply legally, and then start over. Your never going to stop the hemorrhaging until you stop the bleeding and take a moment to see where you’re at. You might want to tackle Mexico’s economy first and then Guatemala’s and then El Salvador’s, etc., etc., etc. Perhaps if we were spending that $750 Billion over in Iraq in this hemisphere things would be a lot better at home.
I am a child of immigrants – they came to this country legally, they paid their dues, their taxes, and learned English. They achieved the American Dream. However, they didn’t assimilate either – yes they learned English but our traditions were our own and they made sure I remembered where I came from. How is that different then the 16yo kid I saw walk out of North Nigh School today to support his undocumented parents, in the Southwestern United States…in Aztlán?
I will soon be an immigrant myself...in Canada. The difference is that I already know that Canadians will accept my differences, my uniqueness, my culture and are happy to add it to their own. All they ask in return is that I learn their laws, follow their rules and pledge allegiance to their Queen someday if I ever do decide to become a citizen of Canada.
I can hear the argument now, “but your parents learned English!” “But your parents came here legally.” “You’re moving to Canada legally.” Yes that’s all true, and I would encourage any immigrant to learn the culture, language and laws of their new homeland. However, their wasn’t 11 million undocumented Greeks here in 1968 and their aren’t 11 million undocumented Americans in Canada in 2006, but there are 11 million undocumented immigrants (mostly Mexican) in the United states right now. The problems is too big and too complicated to fix just by declaring them all felons and pitching them back over the border.
So I ere on the side of my heart and open my arms to my fellow immigrants and Americans and ask for compassion rather the hatred, understanding rather the dismissal, love rather the violence – after all they are people too.
Posted by Nikolas at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBackMay 03, 2006
Happy Anniversary!
10 years ago today we decided to take a journey together and see where it took us. There have been ups and downs, tears and laughter, but I have never regretted a moment of it. I love you Mason, Happy Anniversary!
May 01, 2006
I Miss You Papou...
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Posted by Nikolas at 02:07 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
